Belonging

I was just reading something where the writer was saying that recently her need for belonging wasn’t being met, and then while at a restaurant she ran into a good friend she hadn’t seen in a while, they talked, and she felt much better. (Except, she writes very beautifully and a summary can’t do it justice)

She said “My need for belonging was met, and as I left the restaurant I felt at ease.”

And of course I totally understand what she means. It’s absolutely vital to our well-being that we feel a sense of belonging. And, like everyone, I know how wonderful it feels to think you belong, and how painful it can be to think you don’t.

But that’s the thing—you think the thought “I belong”–or you think the thought “I don’t belong” –and whichever thought you choose to think and believe is what determines how you feel. It is so easy to forget this (I know I do sometimes) and so freeing to remember.

So, she felt better, not because she ran into a good friend, but because this circumstance triggered her to think thoughts which created the emotions of belonging and ease.

Why does the distinction matter?

Because if we give someone or something outside of us the credit for us feeling wonderful, then 1)We will also give them the credit for when we feel awful and 2) We may not recognize that we are responsible for how we feel, always.

To quote Brooke Castillo (I know, I keep quoting her but she’s so brillz it’s hard not to) :

“Belonging is a feeling.
It is something you get to feel whenever you want to feel it.
When you feel like you belong.  You belong.
When you feel like you belong-you think about what you can give-not what you can get.

And then you get everything.”