It’s got nothing to do with them

by Carol on January 25, 2012

There is no upside to not believing in yourself.” -Brooke Castillo

There’s also no upside to believing people don’t like you.

Byron Katie says: “When you truly love yourself, it’s not possible to project that other people don’t love you. I like to say, “When I walk into a room, I know that everyone in it loves me. I just don’t expect them to realize it yet.” This gets a big laugh from audiences. People seem to be delighted at how easy it is to feel completely loved, and they see, if only for a moment, that it doesn’t depend on anyone outside.”

When we love, we feel loved. It’s got nothing to do with them.

The opposite of wallowing

by Carol on January 25, 2012

Recently I mentioned experiencing, rather than fighting, negative emotions.

To clarify, I was not suggesting that wallowing in negative emotion is helpful (of course it’s not). What I was referring to is that the first steps of dealing with negative emotions are:

1) Actually feeling the emotion. (This can be very challenging for some people)

2) Not fighting against or trying to ignore the discomfort (which is commonly attempted through behaviors such as overeating, overspending, drinking, etc.).

3) Recognizing the negative emotion as guidance nudging you to examine your thoughts (emotions are always attached to thoughts).

Once you see the thought creating the painful emotion, you’re able to proactively question that thought and decide whether or not to continue to consciously think it.

The most important lesson I’ve ever learned is that my thoughts are not reality–they are only my story of reality–and that any thought that causes suffering is a lie. That may sound simplistic, but I believe the truth sets us free, and that when our mind-stories coincide with truth, the feeling we have, even in times of sorrow or fear, is one of liberation, deep meaning, and peace.” -Martha Beck

A willingness to see things differently

January 23, 2012

Because I’ve had a lot of experience with depression, I’ve learned to become much better (better–not perfect) at catching negative emotions while they’re smaller–before they’ve snowballed to a point where it can feel impossible to change them. When I say “catch” negative emotions, I mean having an awareness of the negative emotion, and then finding [...]

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January 13, 2012

I was just reading something where the writer was saying that recently her need for belonging wasn’t being met, and then while at a restaurant she ran into a good friend she hadn’t seen in a while, they talked, and she felt much better. (Except, she writes very beautifully and a summary can’t do it [...]

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A little inspiration

January 12, 2012

Lately whenever I come across a quote I really like, I add it to a Google Doc I titled “Inspiration”. This is so ridiculously simple and I wish I’d done it sooner, since I have tons of inspirational stuff I’ve read or heard that is scribbled in notebooks or on index cards and not as [...]

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A funny thing about judgment

January 12, 2012

I was just doing a search on someone who is somewhat well-known on the web, and I came across a really negative post about them. It’s fascinating to me that as I read the author’s criticisms of this person, I found myself feeling negatively about the author. Then I remembered this thing I learned from [...]

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Choosing to see things differently

January 9, 2012

When I think a thought like “That person is acting like such a jerk” (ahem, the language is usually more interesting than “jerk”), I feel…angry. This happens to be precisely what I’m thinking and feeling in this moment. The part of me that is so pissed seems to think that my anger is somehow punishing [...]

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Caring about what you think

January 6, 2012

“To put yourself forward as someone good enough to do interesting things is, by definition, to expose yourself to all kinds of negative judgments, and as far as I can tell, the fact that other people get to decide what they think of your behavior leaves only two strategies for not suffering from those judgments: [...]

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A tiny step

October 26, 2011

“Writer’s block isn’t hard to cure. Just write poorly. Continue to write poorly, in public, until you can write better.” Seth Godin, from “Talker’s block”   “If something is worth doing, it’s worth doing badly” Martha Beck, from The Joy Diet “If it wasn’t live we’d be discussing it for months.” Lorne Michaels, on SNL [...]

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Find a way to make it easy

July 18, 2011

I’ve noticed for a while that all the people I admire and consider successful find a way to make things “easy”. What they do is not easy, but they find the ease in the effort. Struggle just leads to more struggle. Aligning with ease and flow, however, allows you to get way more done–and done [...]

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Gaining happy, losing weight

May 3, 2010

In my experience, there are four elements that are essential to losing weight and maintaining a weight that you’re happy with. There’s tons to be said about each of these, but for now here’s a summary of each: 1) Identity Obviously there are many different layers to our identity. I mean, really, is there a [...]

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